Meanwhile, at Booz-Allen-Hamilton

Anyone that's been near these blokes in the field - especially dealing with civil affairs work - knows exactly how this fits.

By: Widow 6-7

DOD Announces the Distinguished Warfare Medal

To much chagrin and derision, the DoD has announced the Distinguished Warfare Medal for servicemembers who kinda-sorta went to war, and maybe commuted to it.

The Department of Defense announced today the creation of the Distinguished Warfare Medal to recognize a service member’s extraordinary achievements directly impacting combat operations.

Modern technology enables service members with special training and capabilities to more directly and precisely impact military operations at times far from the battlefield. The Distinguished Warfare Medal will be awarded in the name of the secretary of defense to service members whose extraordinary achievements, regardless of their distance to the traditional combat theater, deserve distinct department-wide recognition.

“I have seen first-hand how modern tools like remotely piloted platforms and cyber systems have changed the way wars can be fought,” said Secretary of Defense Leon E. Panetta. “We should also have the ability to honor extraordinary actions that make a true difference in combat operations, even if those actions are physically removed from the fight.”

Based on the order of precedence, the Distinguished Warfare Medal will sit directly below the Distinguished Flying Cross. It may be awarded for actions in any domain but not involving acts of valor.

“This new medal recognizes the changing character of warfare and those who make extraordinary contributions to it,” said Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Gen. Martin E. Dempsey. “The criteria for this award will be highly selective and reflect high standards.”

The medal, designed by The Institute of Heraldry, will be available in the coming months. The signed memo, criteria for the medal, along with the design, can be seen here: http://www.defense.gov/news/DistinguishedWarfareMedalMemo.pdf

Here's The Duffel Blog's suggestion for what it should look like

By: Brant

Sound Off! Military Humor and Parodies

For your heaping helping of military chuckles, do you prefer

-- Doctrine Man! Esoteric humor, cheesy cartoons, and the occasional dose of real news?

-- The Duffel Blog! If the Onion went to war, and fooled a thousand people a day into thinking they're real...?

Sound off below!

By: Brant

Weekend Humor: Fail, and Fail Some More

There's some actual 'fail' in here, but the segment starting at 2:20, while canned, is a freakin' riot.




By: Brant

Humor: PowerPoint

A friend is currently using this as an internet signature

Overheard in a Div TOC "We are on Slide 57; I wonder what the enemy is doing at this time?"

By: Brant

Random Friday Wargaming: The War of 1812 Minigame

Wrapping up our anniversary week coverage on the War of 1812 comes a free minigame, from Internationally Acclaimed Game Maestro™ Brian Train

The Second War of 1812
or
"Once More With Feeling"

(originally published in Strategist, volume XXVI number 4 issue 289, April 1996)

In the United States, exuberant 110th-anniversary celebrations of battles such as the Battle of New Orleans of 1815 and the Battle of Baltimore of 1814 produced a sense of euphoria over a "second war of independence" against Britain, culminating in a drunken lurch down the road to war with the Dominion of Canada in 1925.

The Rules

1.0 Introduction
Hi there.

2.0 Components
The game consists of two cards, one representing the American invaders (YankForce) and the other the Canadian defenders (CanuckBlock).
Players will need one n-sided die to play the game.

3.0 Sequence of Play
The game is one turn long and consists of three phases:

3.1 Movement Phase
3.2 Combat Phase
3.3 Victory Determination Phase

4.0 Movement
Place the CanuckBlock card face up on a table between the two players.
Place the YankForce card next to it.

5.0 Combat
Combat is conducted by the YankForce player rolling the die and matching the results on the following CRT:
1 to n-1 = Canuckblock eliminated
n = roll die again

6.0 Victory Determination
The YankForce player wins if the CanuckBlock card has been eliminated during the Combat Phase. The CanuckBlock player wins if the YankForce player fails to win, e.g., if he rolls n+1; or if lightning strikes and turns him into a pillar of salt; or he (in)advertently inhales the die and chokes.

7.0 Optional Rules
The CanuckBlock player can declare at the beginning of the Combat Phase that Prime Minister MacKenzie King is using his ouija board to predict the next die roll. If the prediction is correct, the YankForce player must buy him a drink before rolling again. If the prediction is wrong, the YankForce player wins a Sudden Death Victory.

Analysis
The probability of rolling an "n" on 1dn approaches 1, i.e., 100% certitude, as the value of "n" also approaches 1. Thus the most favourable and promising strategy for CanuckBlock would be to use a one-sided die.

So... anyone want to playtest this one?

By: Brant

Awesome. With a Side of Awesome-sauce

May we present.... The Claymore Hitch Cover!

...our new products team thought it would be great to bring this unique claymore mine hitch cover to the market place.

We know it will get a second look from the tailgaters in your community, but what the heck, you only go around one time. Our Replica Claymore Hitch Cover is closely patterned after the original. It is virtually the same size and is manufactured from solid polypropylene with UV additives for durability and color fastness and fits 2" standard receivers. The connectors and internal space are solid so there is no chance that it can be confused as a real Claymore mine. We do however strongly advise you to install a hitch pin lock or it may just disappear.

By: Brant

Battle Cat

By: Brant

Another Great Shirt from RangerUp

It's only a pre-order right now, but their Occupy Patrol Base T-Shirt is a riot. In a "good" riot kind of way...

h/t Longblade

By: Brant

Tweets on KJI's Death

Buzzfeed has a collection of some of the best tweets on Kim Jong Il's death. A sampling...

Kim Jung Il died. I call his sunglasses.

Kim Jong Il apparently died of "pancreatic cancer"...or "karma" as the rest of the World calls it.

RIP kim Jong il. We took level 1 improv together. There will never be another tiny, Asian Elvis maniac like you, my friend.

Rick Perry & Michele Bachmann SCRAMBLING to find out who Kim Jong Il was.

In lieu of flowers the family of Kim Jong Il asks you to starve a person to death in his memory.

I'm confused: CNN says Kim Jong-Il is dead, but N. Korean press says he's currently fighting a 100-ft. tall U.S. super-robot.

Kim Jong Il is dead. Who will be brave/insane enough to build Earth's first Death Star now that he's gone?

Kim Jong Il's son going to have trouble filling those teeny tiny shoes.

By: Brant

Comedy in the Face of Adversity

Is the captured RQ170 drone really tweeting from Iran? Seriously, these are funny... whoever this is has a future in military-cockup-conspiracy humor.

RQ170 RQ-170 Sentinel
My main interrogator's name is Mansoor. It's distracting how much he looks like Bobby Jindal

RQ170 RQ-170 Sentinel
"Yeah, I violated your airspace. Just like I violated your m--" That's as far as I got before Mansoor slapped me.

RQ170 RQ-170 Sentinel
That's just hurtful, sir. @lawrencedo99 That downed US "#drone" the Iranians are showing off looks too much like a movie prop.

h/t Doctrine Man

FOLLOW-UP
There's actually a few other UAVs on Twitter, too... some are pretty funny
Drunk Predator Drone (drunkenpredator) on Twitter
Frat Reaper (partyreaper) on Twitter



By: Brant

You'll Fight TIGERS!

The most famous line from RRRRAAAAAANGER SCHOOL!



You'll fight TIGERS!

And you won't have to go to Muskingom, Ohio to do it, either.
How, prey pray tell?

By picking up Battles Magazine, issue #7, with the Growling Tigers game.

Even better?

With just the right counter, you can fight tigers!

By: Brant

Amateur Hour

This picture has gone viral on Facebook.

Flip-flops, the rice paddy squat, and a "combat minstrel": this picture has it all. When I went to save it, I couldn't even figure out what to call it so I just went with "WTF." There's a ton of expended brass on the ground. Anybody think they actually hit anything?

I can't quite tell which Third World cesspool this picture is from. The Liberian civil war generated some epic pictures of "unique" tactics and load-outs like this, but that was several years ago. One of the resulting Facebook threads suggested that this is a current shot from the on-going Battle of Sirte in Libya. Do any of you readers recognize the setting and people?

By: Guardian

Safety First!

We wouldn't want those reflective jackets to feel unsafe! Better get them a reflective belt!

Yes, this is an official US Army photo.  You may weep now.

By: Brant

Indoctrination for Return to U.S.

All the recent talk of "reverse bootcamp" reminds me of this oldie-but-goodie. It's from the WW2 era, but I'm sure it can be updated for present circumstances. A couple of points that I would add from personal experience:

1) In the United States, one is required to pay for their meals at a restaurant. Unlike the DFAC, it is both illegal and socially unacceptable to simply eat and drink whatever you want, throw out your trash, grab a bottle of water for the road, and leave.

2) IEDs are not commonly encountered on American roads. It is neither safe nor appropriate to swerve and accelerate away from trash bags, animal carcasses, and other road-side debris, nor is it usually necessary to call 911 when you see such objects on the side of the road.

By: Guardian

===

HEADQUARTERS
U.S. ARMY
APO 001. U.S. ARMY
AG 1010.99.99 (DECCA)

SUBJECT: Indoctrination for Return to U.S.

TO: All Units.

1. In compliance with current policies for rotation of armed forces overseas it is directed that in order to maintain the high standard of character of the American Soldier and to prevent any dishonor to reflect on the uniform all individuals eligible for return to the U.S. under current directives will undergo an indoctrination course of demilitarization prior to approval of his application for return.

2. The following points will be emphasized in the subject indoctrination course:-

a. In America there is a remarkable number of beautiful girls. These young ladies have not been liberated and many are gainfully employed as stenographers, sales girls, beauty operators or welders. Contrary to current practice they should not be approached with "How much?". A proper greeting is "Isn't it a lovely day?" or "Have you ever been to Chicago?". Don't say "How much?".

b. A guest in a private home is usually awakened in the morning by a light tapping on his door, and an invitation to join the host at breakfast. It is proper to say "I'll be there shortly". DO NOT say "Blow it out your ass".

c. A typical American breakfast consists of such strange foods as cantaloupes, fresh eggs, milk, ham, etc. These are highly palatable and though strange in appearance are extremely tasty. Butter, made from cream, is often served. If you wish some butter, you turn to the person nearest it and say quietly "Please pass the butter". DO NOT say "Throw me the damn grease".

d. Very natural urges are apt to occur when in a crowd. If it is found necessary to defecate, one does NOT grab a shovel in one hand and paper in the other and run for the garden. At least 90% of American homes have one room called the "Bathroom", i.e. a room that, in most cases, contains a bathtub, wash basin, medicine cabinet, and a toilet. It is the latter that you will use in this case. (Instructors should make sure that all personnel understand the operation of toilet, particularly the lever or button arrangement that serves to prepare the device for reuse).

e. In the event the helmet is retained by the individual, he will refrain from using it as a chair, wash bowl, foot bath or bathtub. All these devices are furnished in the average American Home. It is not considered good practice to squat Indian fashion in a corner in the event all chairs are occupied. The host usually will provide suitable seats.

f. Belching or passing wind in company is strictly frowned upon. If you should forget about it, however, and belch in the presence of others, a proper remark is "Excuse me". DO NOT say "It must be that lousy chow we've been getting".

g. American dinners, in most cases, consist of several items, each served in a separate dish. The common practice of mixing various items, such as corn-beef and pudding, or lima beans and peaches, to make it more palatable will be refrained from. In time the "Separate Dish" system will become enjoyable.

h. Americans have a strange taste for stimulants. The drinks in common usage on the Continent, such as underripe wine, alcohol and grapefruit juice, or gasoline bitters and water (commonly known by the French as "Cognac") are not usually acceptable in civilian circles. A suitable use for such drinks is for serving one's landlord in order to break an undesirable lease.

i. The returning soldier is apt to find often that his opinions differ from those of his civilian associates. One should call upon his reserve etiquette and correct his acquaintance with such remarks as "I believe you have made a mistake", or "I am afraid you are in error on that". DO NOT say "Brother, you're really screwed up". This is considered impolite.

j. Upon leaving a friend's home after a visit, one may find his hat misplaced. Frequently it has been placed in a closet. One should turn to one's host and say "I don't seem to have my hat. Could you help me find it?". DO NOT say "Don't anybody leave this room, some S.O.B. has stolen my hat".

k. In traveling in the U.S., particularly in a strange city, it is often necessary to spend the night. Hotels are provided for this purpose and almost anyone can give directions to the hearest hotel. Here, for a small sum, you can register and be shown to a room where he can sleep for the night. The present practice of entering the nearest house, throwing the occupants into the yard and taking over the premises will cease.

l. Whiskey, a common American drink, may be offered to the soldier on social occasions. It is considered a reflection on the uniform to snatch the bottle from the hostess and drain the bottle, cork and all. All individuals are cautioned to exercise extreme control in these circumstances.

m. In motion picture theaters seats are provided. Helmets are not required. In is NOT considered good form to whistle every time a female over 8 and under 80 crosses the screen. If vision is impaired by the person in the seat in front, there are plenty of other seats which can be occupied. DO NOT hit him across the back of the head and say "Move your head, jerk, I can't see a damn thing".

n. It is not proper to go around hitting everyone of draft age in civilian clothes. He might have been released from the service for medical reasons. Ask for his credentials, and if he can't show any THEN go ahead and slug him.

o. Upon retiring, one will often find a pair of pajamas laid out on the bed. (Pajamas, it should be explained, are two-piece garments which are donned after all clothing has been removed.) The soldier, confronted by these garments, should assume an air of familiarity and not act as though he were not used to them. A casual remark such as "My, what a delicate shade of blue" will usually suffice. Under NO circumstances say "How in hell do you expect me to sleep in a get-up like that?".

p. Natural functions will continue. It may frequently be necessary to urinate. DO NOT walk behind the nearest tree or automobile you find to accomplish this. Toilets (see 2d above) are provided in all public buildings for this purpose.

q. Beer is sometimes served in bottles. A cap remover is usually available, and it is not good form to open the bottle by the use of one's teeth.

r. Always tip your hat before striking a lady.

s. Air raids and enemy patrols are not encountered in America. Therefore it is not necessary to wear the helmet in church or at social gatherings, or to hold the weapon at ready, loaded and cocked, when talking to civilians in the street.

t. Every American home and all hotels are equipped with bathing facilities. When it is desired to take a bath, it is not considered good form to find the nearest pool or stream, strip down, and indulge in a bath. This is particularly true in heavily populated areas.

u. All individuals returning to the U.S. will make every effort to conform to the customs and habits of the regions visited, and to make themselves as inconspicuous as possible. Any actions which reflect upon the honor of the uniform will be promptly dealt with.

I Can Haz Wargame

h/t Blackcloud 6

By: Brant

US Government Reaction to Earthquake

Seen online, in reaction to DC being threatened by an earthquake...

Now that such a heinous event has occurred on American soil I'm sure we'll end up with a Department of Homeland Stability

h/t Rich & Rob

warning! politics alert... I'm not advocating for one party or the other, but this did make me chuckle:

According to White House sources, seismologists at the US Geological Survey now believe the quake was caused by slippage along a previously unknown flaw in the Earth's crust that will be named Bush's Fault.

h/t MM

By: Brant

Terminal Lance on DADT

check out more at Terminal Lance

By: Brant

Weekend Humor: Libyan "Mission" edition

This weekend we're trying something different - we want your humor. That's right. We want you to chime in.

Back in March, we asked y'all to write a mission statement for the current operations in Afghanistan. Only Guardian was brave enough to take the plunge (but y'all feel free to go back and chime in retroactively, especially now that OBL is sleeping with the fishes).

This weekend, we want you to try your hand at writing the mission statemnt for NATO operations in Libya. No, no... really, we want to see what you come up with for our mission over Libya. Stop laughing. We're serious. Well, we're serious about wanting your mission statements. We're only sorta serious about what's happening in Libya right now, especially since the mission there has now reached the point where it is a complete and utter violation of US law.

By: Brant

Wired Blows Their Attempt At Humor

WIRED's Danger Room blog is pretty entertaining. And one of the more fun recurring features is their "Most Awesomely Bad Military Patches" series that has some fun stuff from all over the place. The latest installment, from some random "science journalist" in NYC, though, it pretty pathetic. I mean, seriously, if you're going to reprint half the current Mil-Spec Monkey catalog, why wouldn't you include the Immediate Action?

By: Brant